


Broken Pieces

by GodsGirlxx13



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, Diary/Journal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional suffering, Football | Soccer, Hospital, Injury, M/M, Psych Ward, Self-Harm, Sports Injury, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 15:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16519301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodsGirlxx13/pseuds/GodsGirlxx13
Summary: What happens when Ashton's world begins to crumble?





	1. August 19

**Author's Note:**

> Broken Pieces- title from 5SOS song
> 
> I do not own any of the characters in this story except my own original characters  
> Storyline (c) me  
> Ashton, Luke, Michael, & Calum (5SOS) (c) themselves  
> Alex and Zack (all time low) (c) themselves  
> Zak Bagans (Ghost Adventures) (c) himself

**August 19; 10:45 pm**

 

I’m exhausted. I just got home from work. The whole school-practice-work-homework thing is brutal. I’m struggling in school- my grades are slipping. I don’t have time to do my homework or study for exams while working a job 5 days a week while having soccer practice 6 days a week…. I really want to get into the same school as Luke but honestly, with my grades, only a scholarship will make it possible. That will take a miracle. Being captain of the team makes it even harder since I have to set a good example for the rest of the guys with grades and the team. I have a huge chemistry exam tomorrow that I have to study for. I’m freaking out. I’ve had absolutely no time whatsoever to study. How can I possibly pass this exam when I have practice everyday and work the late shift those nights? I swear there is no hope… Ash XX


	2. August 20; 4:00 pm

**August 20; 4:00 pm**

I’m sitting alone in my car as I write this. Practice starts in about 15 minutes. Today was hell. Pure hell. I can’t even begin to describe how horrible it is. I’m almost positive I failed my chemistry test today. The quiz from last class, my teacher decided to call me out for getting a D on the quiz and getting the lowest grade in the class. With that being said, the class laughed at me. This morning my mom told me that she thinks kids are making fun of little Harry at school. I can’t even notice when my own little brother is upset because I’m too busy. What kind of brother am I? Honestly though….. I can’t do this anymore. It’s getting too hard to keep going.... Ash XX


	3. August 20; 11:35 pm

**August 20; 11:35 pm**

Practice today was brutal. We lost our last game on Friday, which meant we had to run extra laps and 10 180’s. I thought I was going to die. By the time we finished our punishment, practice was already halfway over. Did that stop coach from making us do a full practice? NOPE! So instead of the usual hour and a half practice, we practiced for over 2 hours. Once we finally finished, I had to rush to work- I wasn’t even able to shower off like I usually do. I race to work and clock in literally the second I’m supposed to be there. Of course I get all the rude shitty customers tonight. My manager was all over me for stupid little shit tonight. When we had a break in the craziness of customers I would try and get a little homework done. I normally do this but tonight for some reason, Matt was all over me for it and having none of it.I tried to tell him how bad I’m struggling in school but he said too bad, that I was at work, not at school. So here I am at 11:35 pm, trying to get my math and english homework done. Honestly, I may just fail out. It’s too much to keep up with. It’s not just school…. It’s everything… sometimes I wonder if life is even worth it… Ash XX


	4. August 21; 9:30 am

**August 21; 9:30 am**

I’m sitting in English. We have free time so I’m sitting in the back with Luke as I write this. I only got half my English homework done last night before I fell asleep and my teacher let me know his feelings about that- in front of the whole class. Oh and don’t even get me started on the quiz we had first thing this morning in class. Absolutely NO hope for me- I doubt I got a single answer right. Luke’s looking over at me now with a soft but sad smile on his face- I think he knows I’m miserable. I haven’t- and won’t- say anything to him or anyone else. No one needs to be bothered with me and my misery. I honestly just can’t process it all. I’m done. Last night as I lay in bed, I imagined what it would be like if I just gave up…. Gave up on life, on work, on school, on soccer… I know it sounds morbid, but its all getting to be to much. All of this plus trying to get into college…. I just can’t! Ash XX


	5. August 21; 11:55 pm

**August 21; 11:55 pm**

This is going to be a short entry. I’m too tired to stress over it all. Tomorrow is the big game and I need to sleep. I’ve said fuck my homework for tonight. I just need sleep. School, work, and practice were hell…


	6. August 22; 5:00 pm

**August 22; 5:00 pm**

I’m sitting at my kitchen table eating supper before the game. I can tell tonight is going to be rough. I’m so tired. Everything is already sore. I’m trying to write a little bit before I leave for the game. I made a sandwich but I just don’t feel like eating. I’ll save it in the fridge until tonight. I’m hoping after this game I can just sleep and maybe study tomorrow….


	7. August 22; 7:20 pm

**August 22; 7:20 pm**

This is not happening. My life is over. Their defender came out of nowhere. Huge guy. I didn’t know what was happening until it was over. Until I was on the ground. My head was throbbing, and my knee… my knee felt like it was on fire and falling apart at the same time. Zak, the trainer, told me after that my leg got caught between the defenders when we rolled, that we hit the ground head first. I remember opening my eyes on the field as Zak ran over to me. I was holding my knee while wanting to hold my head. Zak told me to stay still and take deep breaths. He took a look at my knee and immediately called for a cart to get me to the locker room. Once we were in, Zak sat me up on a table. I immediately lie down as the world around my spun and danced with little stars. I knew it wasn’t good. Zak looked at my knee and shook his head. He told me I had to go to the hospital. I told him no that I couldn’t afford to go and that my mom wasn’t here to take me and that there was no way I could drive myself. Zak laughed and said that I was going- period. He said that this injury looks really bad. Next thing I know, I’m being driven by Zak himself to the emergency room. Once there, I’m seen immediately and x-ray’s and other sorts of pictures are taken of my knee and some of my head. When I’m brought back to my room, my mom was there. I was confused when I saw her. She said that Zak called her and told her what had happened. She had rushed here and just arrived. The doctor came in and said that I was going to need surgery to repair my ACL, LCL, and PCL. I don’t know much about anatomy, but I do know that’s not good. The doctor puts me in a brace and give me a pair of crutches and sends me home with some pain killers and a referral to see an orthopedic for the surgery. Mom gets me home and helps me up to bed. I lie down and once she leaves, I cry. I cry from the pain, the frustration, the stress, everything. It’s just too much. I’m going to end it here and try to get some sleep…. Ash XX


	8. August 25; 12:30 pm

**August 25; 12:30 pm**

I didn’t go to school today. I used the excuse that my knee hurts too much- it’s not a lie… Mom told me I have an appointment tomorrow with the orthopedic and that she would take me. I text Zak and ask if he can take me instead. I don’t want to be a burden on mom. Plus she needs to work and make money to pay the bills. Zak said he’d be happy to take me. Honestly, I just can’t deal with the thought of all of it. I’m going back to bed. Ash XX


	9. August 26; 6:15 pm

**August 26; 6:15 pm**

This isn't happening. I’m having surgery in two days. Doctor said its really bad and honestly, I just can’t deal with the thought of it. I’ve spent the better part of the afternoon thinking about how my life is over….

 


	10. September 19; 8:00 pm

**September 19; 8:00 pm**

It’s been almost a month since I wrote in here. A lot has happened. I had the surgery and the doctor said I’d be lucky if I ever walked properly again let alone run or play soccer. So there goes that dream…

I lost my job because I couldn’t go to work because of my knee, I can’t play soccer, and the 2 weeks I was out of school recovering from surgery I still had to do all my school work and homework and turn it in the day I got back like I had been there the whole time. Oh and the best part- I had to learn it all myself with no help. Honestly, I think I did maybe a quarter of the work and said fuck it….. 

Last week, I did something I’m not proud of. I did something I haven’t done in years….

 


End file.
